he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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