like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
