Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
