need another drink. this is the easiest way
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
