I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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