Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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