he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am naked and annoyed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
