i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
