i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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