You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A+ Viking dick
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
