I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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