Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
