I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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