We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
