watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
