i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
