apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
