So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
