I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
