if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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