and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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