smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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