Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
