I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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