he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
