Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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