Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did i just pee glitter
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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