i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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