I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
