last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
