How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
