...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
