we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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