I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
