i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
