Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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