She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
