smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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