I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
