eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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