no, he came in my armpit
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every concussion has its silver lining
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
