You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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