He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she peed on how many people?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
