is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
