help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
