You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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