i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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