im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
