were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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