I want to walk on stilts...naked
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
