dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I want a musical about memes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
