Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
