Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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