just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
