My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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