I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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