I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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