how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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