i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
