dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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