How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
