Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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