She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
