remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
