While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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