My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
