i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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