i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize