I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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