Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want nice things and good sex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
